Time Machine

If I were ever to build my own time machine, I think I would go back and stop Dick Vitale from becoming a sports broadcaster. I realize that this isn't paramount on the list of the world's wrongs which need to be righted, but I figure that by the time I build my own time machine, so many other time machines will have been built, to the point that they are now manufacturing "build your own" time machine kits, in which case everyone before me will have already chosen to cure cancer and to stop the holocaust and prevent war and death. Snooze fest. So now we are faced with the opportunity to go back over society and really remove the most harmless, but ultimately most annoying of all existences. And of that list, Dick Vitale is the king.

I don't want to harm Dick Vitale, I just want him stopped. And he could have been stopped; that first day. That first day when Dickie V sauntered into the studio ready to whip out his frenetic and maniacle on air persona, it all could have ended had someone had the courage to stand up and mock him. And I would love to have been that person. There's no way that Dick Vitale was 100% sure that his schtick was going to go over. It's too risky. It's way to far out on the limb for him to have been confident enough that a little mockery from his peers wouldn't have put him back into his shell. And that is the gift I'd like to give back to the world. I'd like to go back in time and make fun of Dick Vitale. I'd like to make fun of him mercilessly. I'd like to make fun of him so much that the Dick Vitale of our newly manipulated reality is just a guy who really likes basketball instead of a lunatic that froths at the mouth when the topic turns to 18-22 year old boys. A world where I didn't have to watch college basketball on mute. Now that would be totally awesome, baby!